"A lot of people cry while cutting an onion, the trick is to not form an emotional bond."
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse get's the cheese."
"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room."
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure."
"I always take life with a grain of salt...and a slice of lime...and a shot of tequila."
"Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in."
"My drinking team has a bowling problem."
"I like pina colada's, and getting caught in the rain."
"If you keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, you'll have trouble putting your pants on."
"Only dead fish go with the flow."
"I once made a song about a tortilla, well, it's more of a wrap."